NINE rules for a successful open marriage

Open marriages are an increasingly evolving concept.

In the traditional format, it is seen as a bit wild. People are on some, “Dude, another man in your wife’s coochie?”. Or women being asked how they can handle it all. “So because men will cheat anyway, we should just open it all up?”

It is all complex and not for everyone but there are some simple rules for an open marriage.

Set the terms from the start: Some open marriages are based on the partner making sure noone knows the status of the marriage in its unconventional nature. Some partners want no evidence of the other person. Others want to make sure they know and approve of the other partner. There are other terms and conditions and they all have to be set from the start. Also deal with insecurities from the start.
Talk about the concept of marriage: People get married but they could have different ideas around what marriage should feel like to them individually. So have the conversation. The intention must be to understand where you are taking the relationship so that there are no assumptions.
Communication: Like any relationship, clear open communication is a priority. Remember that this is not an affair so the regular check-in on the dating setup to see if you still feel good about the way things are going.
Your secondary partner is not second-class: This is in the concept of polyamory. There are primary partners and secondary partners. The primary partner could be the person you are married to, have children with and live together. You can’t treat the secondary partner in a bad way though. Be good to everybody.
Don’t make it an ultimatum: One partner could want the open marriage and the other may not have come round to it. If the alternative is divorce then, it will not work out.
Discuss safety issues: Always use protection. It is an awkward discussion. But do not put your primary partner in danger.
Expect the unexpected: Now, anyone can tell you all the things that could happen in an open marriage. All sorts of things are different in reality than they are in theory. You may have problems one can’t anticipate.
Deal with problems head-on: Problems and negative emotions will come up. Don’t sweep them under the rug. As primary partners, you want to make sure you are each others’ safe haven. So if there are negative emotions, confront them and have a way set up to deal with them.
Talk to other open couples: This is a good way to see what other people have come across and how they have overcome it all.