VIEW FROM THE VERANDAH: Till death do us part

About a month ago a friend of mine lost his grandfather. It was a bittersweet funeral he said because on one hand they wanted to celebrate all one-hundred-and-four years of his life, and on the other, someone they’d always had around was now gone. No matter how often death comes around, we just can’t get used to it. I suppose if we did, we would lose what makes us human.

The part that broke my heart and at the same time melted it is how grandfather still had his wife of sixty years. I’m told at the funeral granny kept saying, “well what am I going to do now and what’s the point of living?” Before the funeral she was in good health, soon after, she became terribly sick she had to be put on dialysis, and about few weeks later, she too took her last breath.

She gave up on life so much that her body responded immediately and in no time she was being lowered beside her husband. On one hand its so tragic how grief, loss, and brokenheartedness can be so fatal. I don’t think we take it seriously enough that when the soul is weeping, it can give up to this extent.

On the other hand, it is such a beautiful love story it needs to be immortalized forever! I think think. This couple stayed together for more than half a century. My whole existence is literally half the time they were together as a married pair. That’s amazing!

It’s perfectly understandable that when grandfather was gone, grandma was like so then what’s the point? From my perspective though I’m thinking she still had her children and grandchildren. There was still a whole planet to be a part of. But clearly, her whole universe had just been buried and there was no reason to keep going.

So my question is, is it still possible to find that kind of love in this generation? The kind that weathers the storms of decades? A friendship that when one goes the partner’s will to live also dissipates?

Of course, we could ask how right or wrong it is to live your life entangled like that with someone else. Like isn’t it surrendering yourself to another human in a way that maybe isn’t healthy? Perhaps from a logical point of view yes. But we are social and very emotional creatures no? Most times its how we feel about things that leads us to make decisions.

How the person I love loves me back often brings sunshine to my cloudy day or rain clouds to my sunny season. If romantic interactions can have such dramatic effects like that in the short term, what about the sudden permanent separation from someone you’ve been with for basically all your life?

Yet, with the rate of divorce, separation, and dissatisfaction right now, are we going to have in this era marriages that last as long as my friend’s grandparents? What did they have that we don’t today? What was their secret?

The tragedy aside, I think its a beautiful thing to have a union dissolved only through death and after such a long time. Where one closes his eyes and the other is adamant to follow the love of her life. I imagine they were buried next to each other and their headstones will have their death dates not far apart. I wish someone would write a short poem or eulogy that expresses or captures the undying love these two had for each other.

Which brings me to our final thought. Is the person you’re with now somebody you would die for or you’d breathe a sigh of relief and START living? Is it something you look forward to growing old with them and reaching your 90s with? If the planet were to be for you and one other person only, who would it be?

It’s kind of like how you could be in a roomfull of people right, and yet your attention is taken by only one person. The two of you are engaged in animated conversation the whole house could burn down and you wouldn’t even hear it. You laugh, talk about nothing, and your heartbeats merge into one.

Perhaps this is what happened with granny. When the love of her life was put six feet down, the melody to her existence suddenly went off-key. There was discord. How could she keep dancing?