How to Land a Cougar in Harare

Cougar – def: Noun. A 35+ year old female who is on the “hunt” for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male. Source: Urban Dictionary

There exists a generation of older empowered women who are out to have fun and games. And believe it or not they live beyond an episode of How I Met Your Mother. Yes gents and other gents they do exist in Harare and they are on the prowl.

Now I am sure a couple of you are asking where they can be found because I can see how the idea of taming one may excite a few. Before you get too excited let me give you a warning. A cougar belongs in the wild and to survive you have to play by the rules. Taming her is rare occurrence but a few basic rules to keep in mind can get you on the ride.

So get ready to bookmark.

The first thing is where to find them in Harare. Remember that a cougar is hunting so anywhere that is hip and where young 20 somethings are going to hang out she will be there. You won’t really find her at a Victor Kunonga or Oliver Mtukudzi show but try O’Haigans, Lime Bar, Red Bar, Fusion and on occasion Mic Inity’s show on Wednesday but probably not Friday. You are the hunted one so you need to be where she will find you. Don’t try to be all mature and shit in your taste. If she wanted that she would go to Dandaro Old People’s Home for Bingo night.

When you spot a cougar don’t be showy. She has dated a someone who made ten times the money you will ever make so your money means nothing to her. She has had her fun with the Philip Chiyangwas of this world who spared her no expense and she knows you don’t have that sort of money.

Which leads us to the next point. If she should speak to you, be yourself. Given her experience she can see right through you because she has seen it all unless you have a diamond crusted member; Chances may be she has seen that too. She actually likes you for who you are. Shocking, but true.

The good thing for you is that she wants what you want. So don’t complicate things.

In essence don’t be all drama. Forget the rule book about relationships. She is in it for the ride and so she will waste no time on the small stuff.

Note this and stick it in your frontal lobe. She is more confident than girls your age. So she is not going to waste time being all clingy and stuff. That means you shouldn’t be either.

In conversation keep three things in mind. She knows she is experienced and smarter. So play like she is experienced and smart. And when she tells you her age, act surprised. Also throw in that you like older women because the younger women are clueless. Finally make sure that you don’t throw yourself at her. She wants to hunt, so if you grovel then you lose the essence of it all. However don’t waste too much time playing hard too get. She hasn’t got all the time in the world.

An appendage to all this is that in the event that you should catch one, make sure that you satisfy her or she will drop you like NetOne call on Friday rush hour. And she won’t lose sleep over you. She will just find another young stud.

Her satisfaction on the other hand will leave you crowned, pleasured and whatever else you wish for. Her instinct might be to mother you but remember one thing, your balls are hairy!