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This post is a culmination of a lot of things, most importantly though, my writing represents new life. New pathways and new found strengths.
I’m planning on letting go with this one, being as frivolous as possible, sharing too much (cause this is something I love to do) and also I plan to live. I’m gonna be showing my other sides (personalities) here, the part of the blog name
That says ramblings is actually a warning. So… Good!
Now , I know that some of you are going to try and be all smart ass about this , putting two &two together, figuring out who I am -_- bleh I hate you LOL I kid. This is Love. My sexuality does not define me.
Even though we can figure out who is behind this moniker let’s just pretend we don’t hanti? That way, I can truly go all out with the frivolity and over-shares. Thank you.
Like I said, this blog represents new beginnings. I just got out of a relationship that kept dragging and dragging and eating life out of me *breathes in slowly* for over two years.
Technically this relationship lasted a year, but because no, me and person didn’t like accepting things… We dragged it out (and our sanity). This is not even the worst part of it. Listen; for the past year we haven’t even been dating. She dated someone else part of it and we fucked other people through it all but always managed to send a ‘Goodnight babe, I love you’ text at the end of every night. This is the load of shit I have been dealing with for a while now. Emotional involvement is such a (let’s see how good your profane vocab is, fill this in)
So, last week (I think it was) I finally told her ‘dude, I don’t wanna do this no more.’
Basically I want to fuck and love other people. More than that, I’m tired of ‘Arizona’s leg syndrome’ >> refer to Grey’s s8/9 for comprehensive schooling on this phenomenon.
I want to love again. Which, knowing myself, this here is an absolutely ridiculous declaration because the last thing I need right now is more emotional involvement. I need some time out altogether , so I can figure out why I keep attracting the same breed of fricking woman into my life.
And so far, can I tell you? I’m desperately failing, I’m habouring such intense feelings for someone new in my life, let’s call her Mt.
Which brings me to the subject of my sexuality. I need to let you know what I’m all about(just sexuality-wise ka) , why I’m here and stuff.
I’m black, Shona, Zimbabwean from the city of lights (do we still call it this? Serious question.) I identify as Queer, but depending on what mood I’m in and who is asking I tend to be anything from lesbian, to bisexual, to pansexual.
But , If I’m to be sincere I’d have to say Queer and just leave it at that. The next time I start rambling about a masculine guy I find attractive, or an effeminate man, or a transwoman/man , you will understand why I choose to just leave it at Queer.
Sometimes I’m an outlier on the sexuality bell curve and sometimes I find myself firmly rooted in the middle. Yes, sometimes I do see a hetero couple and go “I’d fuck them both, if they asked.”
Which brings us to the other thing about me( overkill, I know) I do get attracted to entire couples altogether, hetero & homo, at times.
I wanted to start this blog because I always come across people who tell me that there isn’t much of a Female_Queer_Zimbabwean voice out there. Most women who are queer in Zimbabwe don’t even participate in collective queer things, I’m told. GALZ being one example. I have , over the years met a couple of non-hetero identifying women who have such beautiful stories to tell and I guess no platform(?), so this is my desperate attempt to change things.
I’d love to hear from you if you are a Zimbabwean woman, who identifies as something under the queer umbrella (LBTIQA) or if you are just a hetero-identified woman who transgresses from time to time (or once) in thought and deed. I’m hoping to document my own experiences , experiences of the women I have met and yours( if you think you are up for this.) Hence the blog will remain relatively anonymous, I’d like to give everyone a chance without making them feel ‘exposed’.
Part of my hopes for this blog is that some future generation of Zimbabwean Queer Females will be able to come back to this and know that we have always been here. I want them not to hate themselves so much when they come to terms with their sexuality , anchored by the knowledge that they are not the 1st to feel certain things, Taivepano. We were here too. We were always here.
I remember when I 1st came out to myself and accepted myself I turned to the internet 1st_ googling the words “Zimbabwean lesbians/ homosexuality in Zimbabwe” each and every one of the results brought tears to my eyes and some of the stories made me cry for hours on end. I felt safe (sort of) knowing that I wasn’t the only one and I wasn’t weird or hopping on to western culture. I had evidence that this sort of thing (though stifled) has been prevalent (for years, centuries) among my own people.
I plan on sharing some of this evidence, just to balance out the frivolity and what not. I do have a serious activist side , so , once in a while she will pop out.
This is all I’m sharing today. I promise ; more good things, ugly things, wtf-this-gyal-is-crazy things,TMI things, unread. UNREAD things, Power to the Queers things, History states_ things… will be coming your way.
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ShonaFemmeQueer is a blogger. The events outlined here happened in November.
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