Relationships: Are you settling or reaching?

Just so we set the ground rules. In all relationships on earth there is one who is settling and there is one who is reaching. Or at least that is what some the fundis (persons in white coats holding clipboards and saying complex things so as to sound smart) would like you to believe.

What does that mean?

Well it is as simple as it sounds. One in the relationship has settled for the partner they have found themselves with. They don’t think the perfect one will come along and the idea of being alone conjures up images of an old white woman in Braeside and her cats.

The reacher on the other hand can hardly believe their luck. They have no idea how they go into the relationship they’re in they continually pinch themselves into oblivion and madness. In the extreme this could turn into obsessive behaviour. They are consumed by a fear of loss. And they cannot think that they can be in any relationship besides the one they are in. And God forbid if it should end the world will end too.

Of course the reacher must be taken into context. There are personality issues to be taken into context. Most of them are steeped in self-esteem issues. They simply don’t think they deserve better in life. their ambitions in general scheme of things are limited though they may excel, often by default rather than by inspiration in some things.

The settler on the other end is prone to overestimating their expectations. For the man he convinces himself that she has to have beer flavoured tits and the woman expects nothing less than a diamond crusted gold member from him. Anything less than that is a disappointment. Therefore because the expectations are unrealistic they settle for the uninspired as a form of self-flagellation.

Of course what the fundis don’t tell you that we are all reachers and settlers. There are things we are insecure about and there are things we think we are the best at. Perfectly natural combination for a balanced personality.

And then, there is that one element that we often ignore. Dumb luck. Preparation is the art of the reduction of bad luck but sometimes we spend life preparing for the wrong thing.

That in itself is dumb luck.