I had convinced myself that seeing my father being abusive was just dreams – Ammara Brown on her journey to ‘Tichichema’

Zimbabwean superstar Ammara Brown broke down as she recounted a very vulnerable time in her life that led her to creating the track Tichichema.

Ammara Brown talking about her journey to Tichichema at ArtiSana Gallery Cafe, Harare PIC: @DannyThatGuy

Speaking at the launch of the video to invited guests at ArtiSana Gallery Cafe, Harare, Ammara spoke of what she called ‘destructive cycles’ in a period of her life in 2018:

I was struggling to have functional relationships [last year]. I was in a very destructive cycle in terms of my personal and romantic relationships to be specific. And I had to ask where that came from, why I felt certain ways, why I accepted things that were normal, that were toxic, that were hurtful.

Then breaking down Ammara recounted accepting some painful things about her late father, the iconic Andy Brown

Please get it right when I say this, I loved and I do still love my father. He was an incredible person. He was a passionate person but he was flawed. And when I was growing up, he came in and out of my life in different periods, but when you are child, as you will all know, your father and your mother are almost godly. You do not see the flaws, you think that they are these perfect people And a certain point I went to the [United] States to live with my mother and I didn’t understand what happened. If any of you have ever been in a home where your parents were divorced, as a child noone explains to you what happened. So I asked my mother about their parting. Then she explained the truth to me about what happened. There were loads of different kinds of abuse in reality and in my mind it didn’t make sense because my father was a perfect man and this loving somebody, so how did this two and two tie together. Further in my life, I realised I had convinced myself that certain things I had seen in my life were dreams, but they weren’t dreams. I really did see those things happen. So I went to the studio and I said a prayer. Then I spoke to my dad and I said, “Forgive me, but I need to speak about this because it still hurts and it has changed who I am as a person and I want to heal from this. And I know I am not the only child who has witnessed these things happen”. There are millions of women experiencing this every single day and we are taught to suppress these memories and taught to accept these people as they are. It’s not right. It doesn’t mean they are bad people, they need help.