No Homo: The Gay Threat And What To Do About It

The passing of news laws against homosexuality and enforcement of existing laws across the world and especially in Africa have raised the ire of many human rights groups.

Even in countries like England, the U.S. and France that point fingers at others, there are movements to stop gay marriage and bar gays and lesbians from adopting children or from having them by artificial insemination. Many points of view have been expressed about the subject of homosexuality, with the majority of objections being built around cultural or religious objections to sinful and base behaviour.

Here are some of them, and why they do not make sense:

1. Homosexuality is a sin. Let’s assume your religion makes sense and is the one and only truth. Whatever religion you follow that says homosexuality is a sin doesn’t think it’s a big enough deal to include in its highlights of major sins or commandments. Seriously, ten commandments, no mention of gays. Seven deadly sins, no mention of gays. So why do you decide to pick this one sin that God himself didn’t think was worth extra highlight and persecuting those who carry it out? You know what is in the commandments? Something along the lines of being nice to your fellow man, loving your neighbour and I don’t recall God putting an exemption for not having to love/be nice to gays. Do you even realise within Christianity being gay is about as sinful as women wearing ‘men’s clothes’ or eating the wrong food? How many things in the bible could you be put to death for? And who was allowed to cast that first stone? And you thought you were a Christian. Even the devil doesn’t waste his time ‘tempting’ people to be gay…

2. Arrest gays, send them to jail. I’m not even going to get into it being unfair/cruel to do so. It’s just plain stupid. So you want to punish a guy for having sex with guys by putting him in a place notorious for guys having sex with guys? He will be dropping the soap all day. Don’t get me started on the hilarity of adopting a policy/stance that is ‘hard on gays’…. Pun intended.

3. I just want gays to not be so out in the open about it. Again I won’t get into how sweet it supposedly is for heterosexual couples to show affection for each other. The stupid thing is if you are a true homophobic, you should want gays to be in the open. You’d rather know someone is a butt pirate and avoid them than have them perving over you and even get drunk/ shower after the game next to them without you knowing they are gay.

4. O.M.G. This guy is gay / he hit on me so I should beat him up. First off, getting hit on by anyone is a compliment, just say thank but I’m not interested. Do you beat up women who hit on you that you don’t find attractive? Secondly, in this fight, is you win, worst you can do is kick his ass, if you lose, much more traumatic things can happen to your ass and you’d deserve them…. Just saying….

5. Being gay is unAfrican. Said by a guy in suit/jeans, with an iPhone in his pocket full of American music and whose first language is English, seriously? Also if you bothered to learn anything about your local culture you would know that Shona culture isn’t homophobic at all. Very few cultures worldwide are. Most homophobia came from selective interpretations of the Christian and other faiths in the last four hundred years. Also, most anti-gay laws were left in place by colonial powers, now you wouldn’t want to be on the side of the colonialists and reverse the gains of our independence would you Mr African?

6. But it’s disgusting! Yes, so is the idea of old people having sex and everything on Fear Factor, but it happens, stop obsessing over it.

7. Why can’t they just stop being gay? Well, if you were really 100% straight, you wouldn’t be able to just decide to go gay now would you? It is too huge a leap for it to be something that isn’t a part of who you are already. So either you think gay people are into something you’ll never understand and that is so weird they can’t possibly have chosen it if they could or you think it’s quite possible for anyone to just wake up and choose to be into guys, meaning you could just choose to be into guys, you twisted homo!

Let us keep it short and end there but feel free to raise any objections to gays and lesbians or restriction on what they can do that straight couples can that you think make sense and I’ll be glad to show that by your own logic, you’re just being silly. Oh and I’d like to thank all the ridiculously well dressed, charming, understanding and good looking gay guys out there. If we had to compete with you for women we wouldn’t have a chance. Thanks for taking one for team and letting us have a shot, good on ya! And the gorgeous lesbians out there, thank you for keeping our fantasies alive.

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Masi is a blogger thinking African.

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